How to become an Indian beggar in five easy steps.

I am so happy you clicked on the link . You are awesome.Now continue.

Step 1: Foul smell attack!!

Scientists have discovered that a man can live without food for 3 weeks and without water for two days. But he can survive without bathing forever, until your nose hair burns off and your body scent incapacitates your brain. You will save nearly 30 hours of your month and your income will increase exponentially. Don’t forget to throw your shampoo bottle down the drainage.

Step 2: Time for your daddy’s t-shirt and that fat aunty’s kurta.

Everyone has one. Borrow them and tear them down to the least of pieces. Girls should dirty their kurta and probably soak their hair in mud. Boys! Make sure you don’t overdo the tearing else the pieces of rag may fall down and your income might rise suddenly. Phate kapde nikla bhikari.

Step 3: Start singing but not like celine dion.

You have to be a ‘garibonka pankaj udhas’ or ‘garibonki phalguni pathak’ . If you sing melodiously, Indians won’t assume you are a beggar. The best thing you can do is start taking vocal classes from ajmer ka mahabhikari  located at masjid who teaches songs like ‘pardesi’ and bhojpuri. If you sing rock metal or songs like ‘Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi’ the public might push you out of train.

Step 4: Wear a costume or become a handicap (fake)

Turn yourself into one of the 33 million Gods and watch your passive income increase sitting at one place. Indians may ignore you but tourists  find it amusing. They might hand you a dollar ! 1 dollar= Rs.63 and increasing!! Become a lungda or tungda or andha. It doesn’t matter.

Step 5: Join the beggars mitra mandal.

Not funny but they exist. How much ever we beg there are people who are more experienced then us. Travel all over the suburb and ask them for some tips and tricks. Follow them on meinbhikari.com ( Jus jokin!) . If they get happy by your quick grasping they might  gift you their katora. ‘Jaa beta duniya jeet le’

Some tips and warnings:

1. Don’t sit on the railway platform without a platform ticket. E-special tip for beginners.TC se panga nahi.

2. A beggar only begs, never steals. So don’t ruin your dignity and adhere to the strict norms of WBO. ( World beggar organization)

Anyone who follows these steps has a promising career. Some day you will look back and see how things have changed. Tears will tremble down your eyes. You have certainly made yourself proud!(Just jokin again. Wait! Isn't this entire post a joke?)